drawing near

"well, like i always tell you; draw near to God and He'll draw near to you."

these were the last words my beautiful grandma spoke in my ear as she hugged me goodbye christmas night.

now, as i sit on my bed in africa while my family makes funeral arrangements back home, these are the words that keep coming to mind, bringing with them a myriad of emotions

honestly, there have been a few times over the past couple days that i've wanted to do just the opposite.  when i've had no desire to take the time to bring this before my Father, simply because i don't want to deal with it (i know.  super healthy way to deal with grief)

i don't want to be reminded that i'm still in africa while the rest of my family is grieving together.  i don't want to listen to my grandmother's funeral service online or talk on skype or blog about how her life was rich and meaningful and cherished because it all reminds me of how i'm still here... and not there.

and then i hear her voice in my head, "draw near..." and in my heart i know her words are true and full of wisdom.  i know that in spite of the pain of this sudden loss and the seemingly terrible timing He will draw near.  He will work this for good.  it's kind of His specialty.

so i'm still here.  the grief is still potent and oh so very real.  but my God is very near.

thank you, grandma b.  i love you.