oi, with the poodles already!

well christmas was a success...almost.

before i begin i feel like this post is in need of a disclaimer: i do understand the real meaning of christmas, and gifts and candy do not determine it's success. having said that...

my dear pal tamika paige showered me with candy this year on the eve of christmas eve, including two of my most favorite kinds of chewy treats...sour patch kids and mamba. hhhmmm! well upon coming home from church mom and dad's house quickly filled with little children...lots of children. in fact the ration of child to adult in our family is now 1:1! something must be done...soon...ahem...

anyway, we were wall upstairs when i decided to venture downstairs and i came upon a frightful sight. simon the destroyer was destroying, completely obliterating, MY candy! "NOT THE SOUR PATCH KIDS!" my heart cried out within me. phew...he was only eating the smarties. (now tami, let me explain) while these smarties were about the coolest smarties imaginable due to their immense size, (seriously folks, these things are huge) there is just no comparison to sour patch kids. you can take just about any candy out there ( minus tropical typhoon mike and ikes) and they will all fall short to the sweet mystery that is sour patch kids candy. anyway enough on that...so i ran down and grab the half pack of gargantuan smarties out of his hands and said,

"simon let's not eat these okay." "noooo." "but simon we're going to eat soon and these are aunt leslie's." "noooo." "well, maybe later you can have some but for now we're going to put them way up here..." "noooo." "...where little kids can't reach them and then maybe later..." "noooo." "...i will share some with you, okay si..." "noooo." "...mon. later you can have some." "noooo."

phew...crisis averted. my candy was safe atop the heights of the bookshelf...or so i thought. unfortunately i forgot to factor in the big kids. later that night we were going to watch the bourne ultimatum (yeah, i know...real christmassy) and i said in my innocent, trusting, naive way, "ooh, i'm going to eat my sour patch kids while we watch!"

i looked over at kory and his face immediately flushed. in my innocence i thought it was flushed with excitement over the thought of partaking of my candy...which i quickly responded, "don't even think about it! those are mine!" (obviously filled with the christmas spirit of love and generosity) "ha..ha..ha" he laughed nervously. "um, do you mean the sour patch kids on the book shelf downstairs?" "kory you didn't! did you at least save the mamba?" "um, do you mean the stuff inside the sour patch kids bag?" "KORY!" "well clint and i found it and were really pumped so we ate them." "all of them?" "um...yeah."

bitter woe!

on a happier note. i got the full dvd set of the gilmore girls! every episode ever! and better yet...it comes in a barbie case! hhhmmm. i love being a girl.

i love that feeling

so the holiday season does something to me.  i can't quite explain it.  

part of it is that feeling of wonder only children seem to understand, and adults sometimes experience it, but we just don't get it.  i love that feeling.  

it's also that lonely ache that's bound to come with a time of year centered around family and friends and the joy of being with those we love.  

it is the amazingly, inexplainable quiet that comes with a heavy snowfall, when i'm afraid to move because the silence is so beautiful i don't want to ruin it.  

it is the cold that reaches into my bones and reminds that this is a season when the world is dead and just waiting for the day it can come back to life.  sometimes i wonder if we all live in a state of winter, longing for the day when we will experience true life forever with Him.  maybe that's why winter always seems so mysterious and magical...because we relate almost too closely, reminded of our own innate longings and desire to experience real life.

i absolutely love this time of year.  i love the loneliness, the magic, the reflection.  i love how all around it's a constant reminder of the birth of our Savior and His sacrifice.  hmmm.  i love it.

gerard, oh gerard! why do you do this to me?

does anyone know gerard butler?  if you don't i feel sorry for you.  if you do and are not completely in love than something is wrong with you.  if you feel the same as i do (and i know there's at least one of you, amanda) than come join me in a river crying party.

it's not just that he's a 'fine specimen of a man' (for the "avonlea" fans, who can name that quote?) or that he has a scottish accent or charmingly hilarious, but he's a darn fine actor to boot.  it's not like he always chooses the best movies, but he has had a decent track record with 'the phantom of the opera' (dude, if i was christine i would have dropped raoul in a heartbeat for the phantom.  i mean come on, there was no comparison.  raoul was a complete girl!) and 'dear frankie' (i loved this movie).  but now to go and do a thing like this!  the epitome of all lows!  he is starring in a movie with, i kid you not, HILARY SWANK!  oh heart fail me not!  what a bitter disappointment.  he had so much class, so much potential, and now this!?!  gag!  not only did he star in a movie with her but by the looks of it, it's a real kick butt dumb one to. 

some might say (by some i mean my mother and sisters) that i am acting slightly over dramatic and that there are far more important things to get worked up over.  but i have to agree with my wise grandpa edwin on this one.  "it's the little things that make the big difference." (somehow i don't think he was talking about this type of situation) and for that matter, where's the fun in not caring about all the stupid little things, like dumb movies with actors who are too good for their roles?  it may be silly of me, but it's fun, so i just might have to stay this way till i die...and hopefully after, too.  just because life will be perfect doesn't mean that it will lack personality...

okay time for a different thought entirely.  (in case you haven't notice, my mind switches gears very quickly.  i don't know, call me a girl) do you ever feel like some people lose their quirks and uniqueness in their strive for perfection.  it almost feels like there's this mold that their trying fit into.  this never ceases to slightly worry me and make me very sad.  i have learn (what a long lesson this was!) that i am only ever truly unique when i am wholly His.  often times growing up i would try to be unique or steer away from the crowd, because i didn't want to feel ordinary.  in my mind that was the worst insult anyone could give me.  it kind of still is.  anyway, i went through a very intense spiritual growth spurt during my freshman year of college and i realized that the less i worried about how unique i was and the more i just focused on the One who uniquely created me, the more i became just that and the less i became like anyone else.  so now, when i see people, either way, trying so hard to be unique or thinking that they have to fit a mold to be perfect i feel very sad for them and hope that someday they will see how much God celebrates their individuality!  after all, He made them!

now that i'm famous

in case any of you haven't read today's issue of the pantagraph, i would like to make a formal announcement that i have officially been published...well more like quoted...but published sounds better so lets go with that.

So our shop finally seems to be coming together, but not without a lot of frustrations and bitter woes, but i think i will survive...hopefully.  i'm counting on rocky oshea to hook me up with the top folk bands and hoping tracy can teach me how to wallpaper and i'm letting holly take over cleaning, so basically if it all falls apart it's all of their faults.

today when i told a lady we were going to move she said, "well never mind.  i'm not going to travel all the way there!  i only come here because it's downtown!"  then she rushed out of the place as if God would smite her down if she stayed any longer.  i wouldn't blame Him if He did.  oh no, i shouldn't say things like that, because i don't really mean it.  but, by the way, i've never seen her before in my life, so i don't think she ever really came to our store anyway.  aha!  

to no one in particular...or to the man in my head who has no name...i think i'll call him bob, or maybe frederick...bob frederick the third

do you ever feel completely lost in what you're doing?  not like there's no purpose, but that somehow in the midst of all the chaos, you've totally lost touch with what is going on, and suddenly you don't even know where you fit anymore?  i do.  actually, i do a lot.  

this has nothing to do with marriage.  this has nothing to do with being single.  this has everything to do with life and how sometimes it can be easy to feel very lost.

actually, it's times like these that i really crave my Daddy like never before.  so i can't say i ever really hate feeling this way.  actually, in a very odd way i like it.  it's like this deep, painful yearning that wells up from the pit of my soul, making me feel like i could burst with sadness and joy all at the same time.  what humbles me most is that sometimes i think that's how He must feel about me.  and to think that when i yearn and ache for Him, He is faithful, but when He yearns and ache's for me, i so often return it with a faith that's drenched in mediocrity.  it's a really overwhelming thought and it makes me feel very human, very loved...and strangely very foreign in my skin.  it is a very potent reminder that this world really isn't my home (in fact sometimes it feels like a bad summer camp experience and all you want to do is go home and hug your mom and sleep in your own bed).  

Home sounds mighty fine, but until then i don't really mind feeling lost in my circumstances once in a while.  after all, if i never experienced the ache of feeling lost, i might lose sight of how wonderfully amazing it is that i've already been found.