to no one in particular...or to the man in my head who has no name...i think i'll call him bob, or maybe frederick...bob frederick the third

do you ever feel completely lost in what you're doing?  not like there's no purpose, but that somehow in the midst of all the chaos, you've totally lost touch with what is going on, and suddenly you don't even know where you fit anymore?  i do.  actually, i do a lot.  

this has nothing to do with marriage.  this has nothing to do with being single.  this has everything to do with life and how sometimes it can be easy to feel very lost.

actually, it's times like these that i really crave my Daddy like never before.  so i can't say i ever really hate feeling this way.  actually, in a very odd way i like it.  it's like this deep, painful yearning that wells up from the pit of my soul, making me feel like i could burst with sadness and joy all at the same time.  what humbles me most is that sometimes i think that's how He must feel about me.  and to think that when i yearn and ache for Him, He is faithful, but when He yearns and ache's for me, i so often return it with a faith that's drenched in mediocrity.  it's a really overwhelming thought and it makes me feel very human, very loved...and strangely very foreign in my skin.  it is a very potent reminder that this world really isn't my home (in fact sometimes it feels like a bad summer camp experience and all you want to do is go home and hug your mom and sleep in your own bed).  

Home sounds mighty fine, but until then i don't really mind feeling lost in my circumstances once in a while.  after all, if i never experienced the ache of feeling lost, i might lose sight of how wonderfully amazing it is that i've already been found.