slow and steady wins the race...right?

so i was talking with some friends the other night about how i have a most inconvenient definciency called s-s-s-l-l-l-o-o-o-w-w-w-w. seriously folks, i don't know if i have ever met anyone that has slowness mastered quite like i do. actually it was the one thing my old manager consistently critiqued me on. sad, i know, but true. so last night as i was lying awake in bed i wondered, "am i slow at everything or am i just a slow worker?" then i persisted to compile a list of all my slow ways and a few non slow ways...yes there are a few...a very small few. here they are:

1. any kind of cleaning: slow...actually i think this one could be labled as superslow, which is why i avoid it as much as possible.

2. thinking: sad to say slow... or maybe it's just that i talk abnormally fast so my brain can't keep up...mmm...no, i don't think so.

3. typing: this i'm actually decently quick at... maybe i should turn to secretarial work for my profession...hmmm...yuck! no offense to any secretaries out there. it's just not my cup of tea.

4. falling asleep: anyone who knows me could say slow with conviction. again, which is why i tend to avoid it as much as possible.

5. reading: i don't know if i've ever met anyone slower! when i was in jr. high i road the bus home from school and on some days i sat next to a high school student named susie. (this is not a sign of any kind of popularity. she wasn't exactly the cream of the crop, if you know what i mean...ooh was that bad of me? sorry susie.) anyhow, one day she had me read this note, because a friend sent it to her and it was mean and i happened to be the lucky one to bare her sorrows. to this day i still do not know what that note said because after i got about halfway through the note she ripped it away from me and said, "aren't you done with it yet?" to which i promptly replied, "Oh, yeah. that's too bad." it tramatized me for life.

6. anything that requires concentration: SLOW! i think i get distracted too easily. i once told a girl that i think i have ADD and she said, "yeah, i noticed you can't sit still so that makes sense." sadly i was never diagnosed so i've never had any help with this problem. my poor mother! (just for the record, the diagnose thing was a joke. i think way too many kids are overdiagnosed when really they suffer from two simple things i like to call 1. too much tv and 2. too little discipline. so that means in reality my mother is to blame! poor me!...big joke, mom)

7. driving: FAST!!! amanda likes to say she's stunt driver mcgee and i'm her sidekick, but really it's the other way around.

well there you have it. i could go on, but i'm starting to get bored (ADD). so i think it has been determined that i am a creature intended for a lifetime of slow. maybe i should move to europe. they take things slow there. or the south...hmmm....europe.