oi, with the poodles already!

well christmas was a success...almost.

before i begin i feel like this post is in need of a disclaimer: i do understand the real meaning of christmas, and gifts and candy do not determine it's success. having said that...

my dear pal tamika paige showered me with candy this year on the eve of christmas eve, including two of my most favorite kinds of chewy treats...sour patch kids and mamba. hhhmmm! well upon coming home from church mom and dad's house quickly filled with little children...lots of children. in fact the ration of child to adult in our family is now 1:1! something must be done...soon...ahem...

anyway, we were wall upstairs when i decided to venture downstairs and i came upon a frightful sight. simon the destroyer was destroying, completely obliterating, MY candy! "NOT THE SOUR PATCH KIDS!" my heart cried out within me. phew...he was only eating the smarties. (now tami, let me explain) while these smarties were about the coolest smarties imaginable due to their immense size, (seriously folks, these things are huge) there is just no comparison to sour patch kids. you can take just about any candy out there ( minus tropical typhoon mike and ikes) and they will all fall short to the sweet mystery that is sour patch kids candy. anyway enough on that...so i ran down and grab the half pack of gargantuan smarties out of his hands and said,

"simon let's not eat these okay." "noooo." "but simon we're going to eat soon and these are aunt leslie's." "noooo." "well, maybe later you can have some but for now we're going to put them way up here..." "noooo." "...where little kids can't reach them and then maybe later..." "noooo." "...i will share some with you, okay si..." "noooo." "...mon. later you can have some." "noooo."

phew...crisis averted. my candy was safe atop the heights of the bookshelf...or so i thought. unfortunately i forgot to factor in the big kids. later that night we were going to watch the bourne ultimatum (yeah, i know...real christmassy) and i said in my innocent, trusting, naive way, "ooh, i'm going to eat my sour patch kids while we watch!"

i looked over at kory and his face immediately flushed. in my innocence i thought it was flushed with excitement over the thought of partaking of my candy...which i quickly responded, "don't even think about it! those are mine!" (obviously filled with the christmas spirit of love and generosity) "ha..ha..ha" he laughed nervously. "um, do you mean the sour patch kids on the book shelf downstairs?" "kory you didn't! did you at least save the mamba?" "um, do you mean the stuff inside the sour patch kids bag?" "KORY!" "well clint and i found it and were really pumped so we ate them." "all of them?" "um...yeah."

bitter woe!

on a happier note. i got the full dvd set of the gilmore girls! every episode ever! and better yet...it comes in a barbie case! hhhmmm. i love being a girl.

i love that feeling

so the holiday season does something to me.  i can't quite explain it.  

part of it is that feeling of wonder only children seem to understand, and adults sometimes experience it, but we just don't get it.  i love that feeling.  

it's also that lonely ache that's bound to come with a time of year centered around family and friends and the joy of being with those we love.  

it is the amazingly, inexplainable quiet that comes with a heavy snowfall, when i'm afraid to move because the silence is so beautiful i don't want to ruin it.  

it is the cold that reaches into my bones and reminds that this is a season when the world is dead and just waiting for the day it can come back to life.  sometimes i wonder if we all live in a state of winter, longing for the day when we will experience true life forever with Him.  maybe that's why winter always seems so mysterious and magical...because we relate almost too closely, reminded of our own innate longings and desire to experience real life.

i absolutely love this time of year.  i love the loneliness, the magic, the reflection.  i love how all around it's a constant reminder of the birth of our Savior and His sacrifice.  hmmm.  i love it.

gerard, oh gerard! why do you do this to me?

does anyone know gerard butler?  if you don't i feel sorry for you.  if you do and are not completely in love than something is wrong with you.  if you feel the same as i do (and i know there's at least one of you, amanda) than come join me in a river crying party.

it's not just that he's a 'fine specimen of a man' (for the "avonlea" fans, who can name that quote?) or that he has a scottish accent or charmingly hilarious, but he's a darn fine actor to boot.  it's not like he always chooses the best movies, but he has had a decent track record with 'the phantom of the opera' (dude, if i was christine i would have dropped raoul in a heartbeat for the phantom.  i mean come on, there was no comparison.  raoul was a complete girl!) and 'dear frankie' (i loved this movie).  but now to go and do a thing like this!  the epitome of all lows!  he is starring in a movie with, i kid you not, HILARY SWANK!  oh heart fail me not!  what a bitter disappointment.  he had so much class, so much potential, and now this!?!  gag!  not only did he star in a movie with her but by the looks of it, it's a real kick butt dumb one to. 

some might say (by some i mean my mother and sisters) that i am acting slightly over dramatic and that there are far more important things to get worked up over.  but i have to agree with my wise grandpa edwin on this one.  "it's the little things that make the big difference." (somehow i don't think he was talking about this type of situation) and for that matter, where's the fun in not caring about all the stupid little things, like dumb movies with actors who are too good for their roles?  it may be silly of me, but it's fun, so i just might have to stay this way till i die...and hopefully after, too.  just because life will be perfect doesn't mean that it will lack personality...

okay time for a different thought entirely.  (in case you haven't notice, my mind switches gears very quickly.  i don't know, call me a girl) do you ever feel like some people lose their quirks and uniqueness in their strive for perfection.  it almost feels like there's this mold that their trying fit into.  this never ceases to slightly worry me and make me very sad.  i have learn (what a long lesson this was!) that i am only ever truly unique when i am wholly His.  often times growing up i would try to be unique or steer away from the crowd, because i didn't want to feel ordinary.  in my mind that was the worst insult anyone could give me.  it kind of still is.  anyway, i went through a very intense spiritual growth spurt during my freshman year of college and i realized that the less i worried about how unique i was and the more i just focused on the One who uniquely created me, the more i became just that and the less i became like anyone else.  so now, when i see people, either way, trying so hard to be unique or thinking that they have to fit a mold to be perfect i feel very sad for them and hope that someday they will see how much God celebrates their individuality!  after all, He made them!

now that i'm famous

in case any of you haven't read today's issue of the pantagraph, i would like to make a formal announcement that i have officially been published...well more like quoted...but published sounds better so lets go with that.

So our shop finally seems to be coming together, but not without a lot of frustrations and bitter woes, but i think i will survive...hopefully.  i'm counting on rocky oshea to hook me up with the top folk bands and hoping tracy can teach me how to wallpaper and i'm letting holly take over cleaning, so basically if it all falls apart it's all of their faults.

today when i told a lady we were going to move she said, "well never mind.  i'm not going to travel all the way there!  i only come here because it's downtown!"  then she rushed out of the place as if God would smite her down if she stayed any longer.  i wouldn't blame Him if He did.  oh no, i shouldn't say things like that, because i don't really mean it.  but, by the way, i've never seen her before in my life, so i don't think she ever really came to our store anyway.  aha!  

to no one in particular...or to the man in my head who has no name...i think i'll call him bob, or maybe frederick...bob frederick the third

do you ever feel completely lost in what you're doing?  not like there's no purpose, but that somehow in the midst of all the chaos, you've totally lost touch with what is going on, and suddenly you don't even know where you fit anymore?  i do.  actually, i do a lot.  

this has nothing to do with marriage.  this has nothing to do with being single.  this has everything to do with life and how sometimes it can be easy to feel very lost.

actually, it's times like these that i really crave my Daddy like never before.  so i can't say i ever really hate feeling this way.  actually, in a very odd way i like it.  it's like this deep, painful yearning that wells up from the pit of my soul, making me feel like i could burst with sadness and joy all at the same time.  what humbles me most is that sometimes i think that's how He must feel about me.  and to think that when i yearn and ache for Him, He is faithful, but when He yearns and ache's for me, i so often return it with a faith that's drenched in mediocrity.  it's a really overwhelming thought and it makes me feel very human, very loved...and strangely very foreign in my skin.  it is a very potent reminder that this world really isn't my home (in fact sometimes it feels like a bad summer camp experience and all you want to do is go home and hug your mom and sleep in your own bed).  

Home sounds mighty fine, but until then i don't really mind feeling lost in my circumstances once in a while.  after all, if i never experienced the ache of feeling lost, i might lose sight of how wonderfully amazing it is that i've already been found.

a tale of death and intrigue

"because i could not stop for Death He kindly stopped for me." -emily dickinson

well, i am glad to say, this was not the case for me, though it was a close call. "how can this be?" you ask. "such a vibrant young woman in the clutches of death? what could of caused such a near tragedy?"

let me enlighten you.

today my eye hurt. (many stories begin with a statement that foreshadows a deeper, more trying truth that will later be revealed as the story unfolds. well, with this story, that is exactly the case.) ahem...today my eye hurt. while my nature is to simply endure any kind of pain with as much complaining and as little action as possible, my parents were quick to inform me that the emergency room was the appropriate setting for my plot to unfold.

hesitantly i heeded their warnings. my fellow townhouse dweller was kind enough to escort me to the nearest hospital due to the fact that good vision was refusing to lend me aid enough to drive myself. finally we reached the safety of a trusted physician's care...or so we thought? (more foreshadowing)

the elder doctor, of whom it was promptly revealed to us that his appearance left much to me desired of the tall fervently good looking young male we had imagined, began varying rituals of numbing eye drops and unbearably bright lights. it was amidst these rituals that i began to notice a numbing sensation in my ears and a darkness seemed to fall over my eyes. i talked myself into believing that this feeling would pass, but the longer i thought this the more intense it became. so i concluded, surely i will lose consciousness, but no such relief came. than i realized that i no longer understood any words that were being said around me. somehow i was still able to follow the doctors instructions, but i didn't consciously understand his words.

i knew death was rapidly approaching. i thought to myself in a wild state of panic, "i'm going to die! i'm going to die in the er over some dumb eye irritation! i'm going to die in the er because i'm afraid of saying to this doctor, um, excuse me sir but i'm no longer comfortable with whatever you're doing to my eye because I'M GOING TO DIE! can't he tell that my vital signs are rapidly approaching NONEXISTENT!"

finally i decided that i would not let my embarrassment of possibly passing out determine my fate. i quickly said "uhhgaahhduhh" which roughly translates to "please help me because i'm going to pass out and/or die." (actually holly informed me that she didn't hear me say anything, but that i looked like i was about to have a seizure so she told the guy that i pass out easily and he should stop searching my eye and help me.)

he rushed me to a nearby bed so i could regain my strength. and 20 minutes later we were safely on our way with some lovely eye drops and a prescription for some serious painkillers. aha! death where is thy victory!

apparently i have some sort of corneal ulcer or something and i get to take these eye drops every 15 minutes till i fall asleep and then every 2 hours through the night and then see my eye doctor first thing in the morning. whopedido!

final thoughts: hurray for potent medication! ooh and fun little hospital wrist bands. i like those too!

my eye hurts

today i intended to be extremely fruitful with my time. apparently my intentions decided to keep this news from the rest of my body. bad, intentions!

8:00 - alarm clock woke me up

9:30 - i got out of bed

10:45 - went to darnall brick to pick up mortar to finish laying brick at the new shop. yes, i am now officially a brick layer...not really

11:20 - got to the new shop, realized i had about an hour before i'd have to leave, decided to eat, listen to adventures in odyssey, and open up some pottery that was delivered yesterday (yey!).

after that - got something in my eye. don't know what, don't know how, but it's still watering. oww!!

12:30 - left to work at the downtown store and make some phone calls

1:00 - realized that i lost the two numbers i HAVE to call or i'll be in deep bad stuff.

now - wasting time while i should be painting a display piece. maybe i'll do that now...see, i can be productive. it just take lots of wasted hours to get there.

creature of habit

i've come to the conclusion that i am a creature of habit and that habit's name is laziness. i know it is a hard truth to understand, but i love to do nothing!

i like to stay up late looking at nothing on my computer and sleep in even later.

i like to watch movies and read books and sit at a potters wheel for hours...with 1/2 hour breaks every hour to dance around and act like i have the talent of a professional. this, by the way, is far from the truth... bitter woe.

i like to sit at the computer when i'm at work, pretending to do something important and undoubtedly connected to the wildly fascinating world of ceramics, when really i'm writing about being lazy on my blog.

i like to play hide-and-seek with my niece and nephews, especially when one of the best hiding spots of the night involves me lying on the couch under a blanket. sweet wonder! (by the way, absolutely best spot to hide from 2 and 4-year-olds is behind a coat tree! who would have thought!)

i like to sit on the couch with candles lit and all the lights off except for mom's snow village and christmas tree.

i don't like to lay out by the pool. (lying in my own sweat for hours on end does not sound fun. if i'm going to sweat i might as well be doing something.) laying out in the pool however is a different story entirely.

unfortunately life would not lend me the time or resources to laze my life away...well maybe that's not such an unfortunate thing after all. we shall see.

the flowers have died there is no morning dew the cricket's know no love song...

so i'm genuinely depressed.

reason #1: the snow never came back

reason #2: i don't want to own a business anymore.

reason #3: i forgot to get a coffee when i was ordering and now it sounds too hard to get up again and order one. so i am currently coffeeless. this in itself should be enough to depress an entire empire. maybe that's how rome really fell.

in case you were wondering how i could be so close to a coffee counter i'm at panera. and just for the record, reason #2 isn't totally true. i'm just having a pouty day and am enjoying wallowing in it. so there. leave me be conscience! i don't feel like rising above!

snow and other random thoughts

it's snowing!!! at least it was. now it has stopped again bringing a heavy sadness that only a full blanket of snow can lift. i was driving home from church today and was unable to stop smiling because snowflakes as big as my eyes were coming down at rita mae, who' s poor front bumper has a hole in it. i hope it does not rust! (note to self, get that fixed) plus, i was listening to Christmas music which never fails to put me in a good mood.

as for the bad news, my poor sisters both have illness creeping into their families, and i can only pray that i do not fall to the same tragic fate, because i have absolutely no time for such tom foolery. running a business simply will not allow any sick days.

last night i was teaching my two 4 year old nieces how to play air hockey. not an easy task. one would hit the puck (or whatever it's called) and once it stopped a little over halfway across the board the other would pick it up and set it down so she could do the same thing. then they'd look up at me and smile because they new they were doing such a good job. i had to laugh to myself because how many times do i look to my heavenly Father with those same hopeful eyes thinking i did a great job when really i have so much yet to learn. i can picture Him laughing to Himself and shaking His head at me. "good job, les. that will do just fine for now." thankfully there is time to continue to grow and i have a God who will patiently be there with me every step of the way.