1. i took maybe 2
and
2. my camera is extremely dead and the charger is extremely lost
good news? taryn from imagine artists was on the trip and faithfully documented everything! don't know for sure how this helps you, but it really excites me.
so what did we do? basically we sang some songs played some games and smothered some lovin on these kids.
and what did i take away from this trip? ... i am very selfish and very small
like how i make the whole trip about me? yep, like i said... selfish.
seriously though, this is kind of how i view it...
let me just start by saying i'm all for the 1 week mission trip. i think it's great for spreading awareness and enhancing your view of God and his children. that being said i'm not sure how affective they are for those we're going to "help"... (too harsh?)
take this with a grain of salt because i'm still trying to work it out in my own mind, but this week i was continuously struck with the smallness of what we were doing. i mean we came for a week and taught God's word (which is really good) and we loved these kids who needed it (which is really good) but when i comes down to it, this is a very very small part of the picture.
if these kids somehow by the grace of God Almighty break through the vicious trap of disease and lifestyle that is in their culture it will not be because of anything we did this week. It will be in great credit to, God first and foremost, and the staff at lifesong and what they do... and let me just say they are doing an amazing job!
so i feel selfish...
i feel selfish for coming for one week and showing these kids that people who love you will still ultimately leave you
i feel selfish when i am supposed to be shocked at how little they have but instead am just disgusted at my own wealth.
i feel selfish for traveling thousands of miles where it's fun to give when the need is great but not nearly as fun where i am at.
it makes me want to do more, though i don't know what or how.
praise the Lord, He takes my selfish attempts to matter and what little i have to give and still graciously uses it.
4 comments:
Leslie... I understand. As I have been unpacking today, I keep looking at my closet and thinking... I have way too many clothes. I just want to bring all of those orphans into my house and let each of them take turns taking what I have. Sometimes, it takes seeing the joy on faces of those who have nothing in order to realize that true joy is in nothing we can ever have, but we are closest to it when we have nothing except all we ever need.
Regarding your thoughts on feeling selfish... I will say, your loving touch and smile did affect these children... and, maybe sometimes we are backwards in our thinking-- maybe, those orphans are there for us more than we were there for them. We gave them love, yes. But I found that they taught me more about my own life than we were maybe possibly able to give to them. God works in ways we may never realize, and while we are sometimes fooled into thinking "we" have something to do with it, something to give, lives to change... maybe, it's the other way around.
Who can know the mind of God?
Sorry it got so long. Thoroughly enjoyed being with you on this trip... let's hang out soon!
Really enjoyed reading your post Leslie. We just read at church in John about the Pharasee's accusing the adulterous woman and Jesus being silent and writing on the ground (you know the story), then asking those who have not sinned to cast the first stone and they left one by one - OLDEST to youngest. Your post made me think of this passage and I so resonate with you on my selfishness! The OLDER I get, the more I realize my sin, my selfishness, my complete need for HIM.
Thanks for your honesty. I hope Taryn posts pics of Zambia - would love to see them. Glad you are back safely.
Love, jill
P.S. I am not calling you old :-) It is all relative isn't it!
Leslie, you are one of my most favorite people. I love you.
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